Wednesday, June 9, 2010
That's Mr. Bartlett. He collected quotations and became very famous. I also collect quotations. I am not so famous. And some of mine are naughty. Almost none of his are. Probably mine are more fun, but less smart.
Sometimes they are ones that appeal to my sense of humor, to my sense of the ridiculous, the mean girl that lurks (just) below the surface. Other times they are things that I find profound or touching. Mostly, though, they are funny, because I'm not really as deep as I wish I was. VERY often, they are about food, because that is my obsession. Many of them are anonymous, but the ones that I can credit, I do.
This is my most favorite one of all time - destined to be painted onto our kitchen wall if we ever redo the kitchen:
"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body...but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO what a ride!' "
MizDucky on egullet.org quoted this from Joy of Cooking:
ON LEFTOVERS: a parson is saying grace over the family dinner, pauses to look down at the main dish before him, and murmurs something to the effect of: "I believe I've blessed a considerable amount of this material before ... "
This speaks to my distain of leftovers. But I'm not sure how many leftovers parsons saw in the old days. I always heard that having Preacher to dinner or supper was an honor and that the ladies tried to outdo one another with the best fried chicken or the lightest dumplings.
Here's a little food and a little bit of the mean girl (that one who thinks that haughty-faced models taking a tumble on the runway is The. Funniest. Thing. Ever.):
"I dunno what 'Guy Food' is. There's yer big steaks and huge burgers, but that's not as much a reflection of maleness, as much as an inverse reflection of some womens' desire to eat light and achieve that oh-so-sexy Nichole Richie Bag-O-Anters look." Grub at egullet.org
Cliff Huxtable (Bill Cosby) on rice cakes: "The air in my mouth tastes better than these." (Amen, Mr. Cosby)
"Many argue that breakfast is their favorite meal and of course it's "the most important meal of the day" (who came up with this slogan? I do fine on coffee and Crest)" Michael Ruhlman
This one seems to be about food, but it's really not:
"It was a fruit label that changed my life. One day I had a granny smith apple for lunch. When I went to wash and eat it, I peeled off the label. For whatever reason, I decided to read it. It said "South Africa", and I thought, "This apple has traveled further than I ever have in my entire life." And I got really depressed. Six months later, I quit my job and moved to Asia. Life's funny." nakji at egullet.org
Some are political/social commentary:
"Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist." Anonymous, egullet.org
"In the South, they don't care how close you get, as long as you don't get too big. In the North, they don't care how big you get, as long as you don't get too close." Anonymous, quoted by sandy smith at egullet
"Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out" - George Carlin
A couple of homegrown quotes:
Some villages have more than one idiot. The Child
"You'll get your reward in Heaven - it will be a bale of hay for being a jackass!" my great grandmother (Tirelli)
And this one just makes me giggle:
"I wouldn't piss in your mouth if your teeth were on fire." Anonymous
Got any good ones?