Tuesday, October 5, 2010
I want MY chip!!
I often have elderly patients tell me, with all due gravity, that the government (the current government, that is - you know, the commie, Muslim sympathetic one) is planning to put microchips in all of us to 'keep tabs' on us. (Of all of the symptoms of old age that I don't want, paranoia is high on the list). While I have no interest in having a reverse GPS in my head, I'd be up for a Google chip.
I seriously heart Google. I cannot tell you how many times I 'Google' a word, a person, a map when I am at the computer. Google images gives me some of the wonderful pictures that I post on here. Google finds the thesaurus for me so that I don't use the word "wonderful" twenty times in one paragraph. It helps me nail down facts and dates so that I don't look like a big dummy (or at least not as big of a dummy). At work, I Google medications that neither my patient nor I can spell and if I get close, Google will say, "did you mean amlodipine?" (I forgive the snarky tone in gratitude). Some book I was reading mentioned the Blue Grotto on Capri. I Googled pictures and was rewarded with views of unearthly beauty. Google makes my writing better, decisions easier, reading more fulfilling and simply makes my life better.
Alas, Google is only available when I'm online. Just riding in the car or walking down the street I am still liable to say something idiotic. Or, I'm so afraid of sounding idiotic that I just keep my mouth shut. As a young person I was quite the wit - I was the past mistress of the quick comeback. But that was when my mind was agile. Now it is torpid (thesaurus.com!), not to mention as distractable as a two year old. The words that I want to use are just zipping around my head like no-see-ums. I hesitate to make arguments, because the supporting data is just not accessible. I told Mr. Kim the other day (during one of my regular laments about my sad lack of brain power) that I wanted to be the kind of person who remembered what they read, who understood and could make references to classical literature and put things in historical context. I'll be reading something and the author will refer to 1066 country. Well, I know they mean English history. But then I'm lost...I mean WILDLY lost - the Magna Carta? the Norman invasion? D Day (just kidding)? And since I AM so distractable, if I have to start up the computer and look it up, half the time I forget what I'm looking for...and get lost in the fascination that is Google (when I think of myself as Homeric, I'm not referring to that Greek fella). When I finally DO pick up the book again and get to the same spot, it all starts over again. It's very discouraging.
So I'm thinking that if I had a Google implant, it could basically function as my brain. And as long as it worked as fast as our new computer at home and NOT as slowly as the moribund (me, not thesaurus.com) one at work, I would be smart and culturally astute and the quips would just FLOW! I would find the GoogleKim much more interesting and I'm sure that everyone else would welcome conversations with me that did not include such words(?) as "thingy", "y'know" and "I just had it". Now, I realize that you can use most any search engine for all of these riches, but Google is the one that I prefer. It is also the only one that sounds reasonable used as a verb: 'to Google' sounds just fine. 'To Bing' just sounds peculiar to me.
So I'm ready for my chip anytime. I hope Anthem covers it.