I've been feeling guilty that I haven't posted in so long. All my good intentions of last September have gone nowhere. My resolution to write about ANYTHING just to get something on the screen has fizzled. I don't think that writing just anything is a fruitless exercise, either. I have such logorrhea that when I get started, I tend to carry on until everyone is exhausted trying to follow my line of thinking and wondering when I am going to GET TO THE POINT.
I hate to have this blog turn into some navel-gazing exercise and goodness knows I've posted enough about NOT posting. But I really am having trouble finding the time and energy to 'put pen to paper'. My life is no fuller than others and I have so many lovely things in it. But I suspect that what a friend just called "that black dog" has decided to camp out at my doorway. I have 'the blues'. Unmistakable signs - irritability, lack of interest, being tired for no reason, feeling overwhelmed to the point of inertia. The whole, boring litany. Just the edges of it, though. Not the full fledged TV commercial lying-on-the-sofa-ignoring-the-kids-setting-the-dog-on-fire depression. I'm not crying all the time. Or screaming all the time. I'm just 'blah'.
And I really do need to push through it. We are leaving for England on May 13th. That would be 50 days from now. We have all of our transport, hotels and some other bits and pieces all set. But I still have a million little details to see to. Shopping, packing, getting the 'itinerary' down in writing so that we have a coherent schedule to follow and know when and what we need to confirm. My dining room table is covered with paper and lists and notes and books. I have lists of questions and list of who to ask the questions of. Sometimes I wish that we had opted for one of those package tours with every day, every meal, every excursion planned by SOMEONE ELSE. I need a mommy. To quote Charlie Brown: AAUGH!!!!!
So, in the knowledge that the quickest way out of one of these attacks of the megrims is to DO SOMETHING, I am going to plunge into some preparations for the trip - TONIGHT. I know that if I just get organized and get something accomplished, it will help me stop feeling so overwhelmed. I don't know that it will improve my blogging, but it should improve my life.
I know exactly what you're talking about. A kind of depression that's just below blah but a good deal above suicidal. Next winter you might want to try a SAD lamp. SAD = Seasonal Affective Disorder. Many people experience mild depression during the winter months because of light spectrum deficiencies. And this year's winter has seemed longer and severer than any I can remember. We just had hail and snow yesterday and we're coming into the last week of March!
ReplyDeleteBut I truly am grateful every time you blog. You always bring something wonderfully human to the table to discuss and think about.
Had a comment---lost it all. It dealt with black dogs and pillowslips and Stepping into Scotland and creased clothes, so what the Hell.
ReplyDeleteMoire non,
Anon - thank you! That lamp might be a very good idea: I can hide and get better at the same time!
ReplyDeleteRachel - bah! I hate when that happens. I've gotten to the point where I type out my responses and posts in a word document and then copy and paste.