ANYONE THERE???

They say if you wait to have a baby until your life is completely settled and everything is perfect, you will die childless.  While I would never urge someone to make a life-changing decision before they are really ready for it, there is some wisdom in that homily.  I have been waiting to blog until the time is JUST RIGHT.  Until my life is more settled, until there are no major projects or holidays looming, until there are no demands on my time, until I am more organized.  And you know, that’s just not going to happen in my life. 

I have this romantic picture of myself as a ‘writer’ (a title I am hardly entitled to, but I prefer it to ‘blogger’).  I am sitting in a cozy, well-appointed and spotlessly clean study.  Tea and cookies are by my side.  I’m writing long hand with a fountain pen in a beautiful journal (I told you it was romantic).  When I take a break to sip my tea, I look out the window to see a perfect cottage garden.  Oh, and my cat and dog snooze peacefully by the fire.  I have no idea who cleaned the house, brought the tea and cookies or created the garden.  No one would describe my home as spotless.  I would love a garden, but have no interest in working at it.  And I ‘write’ on a laptop at our dining room table.  I do have a window, but the view is of a pine tree, a scraggly azalea bush, some dead tree and moss where grass should be. 

So my life is never going to be without the things that keep me busy (nor would I want it to) and my cozy little study doesn’t exist.  Do I just give up and let this blog be one of the millions that peter out?  Do I make grand promises to sit down for an hour every day?  No to both.  I love this blog too much to just let it go.  If no one in the world but me read it, I would still love it and go back to it to let the memories flow over me.  But I’ve made promises before and not kept them.  So – no promises, but here is maybe a new beginning. To me, the heart and soul of this blog is our trip in 2011 to England and Paris.  Getting back to that WILL take some organization and preparation.  The memories are almost as fresh as the day we got back, but I need to look at notes and photos for the details. 

So, I’ll try.  I’ll get out my notes and pamphlets and pull up the pictures and, who knows, we may find ourselves in Winchester!

An Actual Post from ME!

I've been feeling guilty that I haven't posted in so long. All my good intentions of last September have gone nowhere. My resolution to write about ANYTHING just to get something on the screen has fizzled. I don't think that writing just anything is a fruitless exercise, either. I have such logorrhea that when I get started, I tend to carry on until everyone is exhausted trying to follow my line of thinking and wondering when I am going to GET TO THE POINT.

I hate to have this blog turn into some navel-gazing exercise and goodness knows I've posted enough about NOT posting. But I really am having trouble finding the time and energy to 'put pen to paper'. My life is no fuller than others and I have so many lovely things in it. But I suspect that what a friend just called "that black dog" has decided to camp out at my doorway. I have 'the blues'. Unmistakable signs - irritability, lack of interest, being tired for no reason, feeling overwhelmed to the point of inertia. The whole, boring litany. Just the edges of it, though. Not the full fledged TV commercial lying-on-the-sofa-ignoring-the-kids-setting-the-dog-on-fire depression. I'm not crying all the time. Or screaming all the time. I'm just 'blah'.

And I really do need to push through it. We are leaving for England on May 13th. That would be 50 days from now. We have all of our transport, hotels and some other bits and pieces all set. But I still have a million little details to see to. Shopping, packing, getting the 'itinerary' down in writing so that we have a coherent schedule to follow and know when and what we need to confirm. My dining room table is covered with paper and lists and notes and books. I have lists of questions and list of who to ask the questions of. Sometimes I wish that we had opted for one of those package tours with every day, every meal, every excursion planned by SOMEONE ELSE. I need a mommy. To quote Charlie Brown: AAUGH!!!!!

So, in the knowledge that the quickest way out of one of these attacks of the megrims is to DO SOMETHING, I am going to plunge into some preparations for the trip - TONIGHT. I know that if I just get organized and get something accomplished, it will help me stop feeling so overwhelmed. I don't know that it will improve my blogging, but it should improve my life.

Some Self-Assessment

Ree, over at The Pioneer Woman (see link on right) blogged recently about "Ten Important Things I've Learned About Blogging". Since she is one of my favorite bloggers and since Rachel and Maggie (my top two favorite bloggers) haven't offered any blog advice lately, I thought that I'd use Ree's post as a jumping off point for a post. I've been at a loss lately on what to write about. Feeling tired and uninteresting and generally blah. I'm hoping that addressing some of her pointers will jump start me. So, here's hoping that this doesn't count as plagiarism.

Her first one is "Be Yourself" - to "Write in your own voice". Well, that's all fine and good if you are a hilariously funny and talented writer with the energy of that famous pink bunny. So, while I do use a casual tone, I try to be a tad more sparkling than my normal, sleepy self.

Number two is "Blog Often". I am very bad at this. I wait for some wonderful idea to inspire me. You may have noticed that sometimes the wait is interminable. She recommends "daily nurturing". I KNOW she is right. All of my favorite bloggers blog often - sometimes at length, sometimes just a pithy or funny sentence or two. I know what busy lives these (mostly) women live. So me whining about being 'tired' or 'busy' really doesn't cut it. If I have time to play 500 Solitaire games a day (which I wouldn't EVER do), I can write a sentence. It's good practice. So I'm going to persevere. Prepare to be bored.

Number three is "Be varied". Well, I don't think I've got any problem with that. This blog is basically an unfocused, schizoid, stream-of-conscious pile o' verbal regurgitation (ick - wish I had my old powers of wordsmithing - that would have been a much nicer sentence).

Number four is "Exercise More". Hmmmm. I mean, I get her point. Sitting in front of a computer gossiping with your imaginary friends, noshing on chips and dip is likely to result in Wide Bottom Syndrome. All that. But there are only so many hours in the day, REE!!! How am I supposed to fit in blogging AND exercise? I mean, be REAL!

Number five is "Allow your boundaries to set themselves naturally" - i.e. blog about what you are comfortable talking about. The corollary here is to blog about only what you are comfortable with the entire WORLD reading about. Now, I know that only an infinitesimal part (but an extremely smart and attractive part) of the world comes here and reads this blog. But anything could happen - when I look at my stats there are folks who hit this blog from all over the world (of course, to be honest, most stay an average of 0.5 seconds - the time it takes to hit 'BACK', I guess). Do I really want them to know all of the intimate details of my life and the depths of my grumpy-ness? Not really. So, while I might discuss all that stuff with each of you over tea and cookies, it won't happen here at Fresh Hell.

Number seven is "Don't be afraid to embarrass yourself". I've regularly exposed my ignorance, foolishness, general laziness, cluelessness, bad eating habits, slovenliness, insecurities, etc., etc. to all and sundry. I think I'm doing exceptionally well on this one.

Eight - "Try your best to spell words correctly and use proper grammar". All I can say is thank heavens for 'spell check'. And I sometimes use bad spelling or grammar to make a point. You noticed, right?

Nine says: " If you have writer’s block, push through and blog anyway." This is a corollary to #2 above. Ok, ok, Ree...I'll try. I will. I'll...try to try. Seriously.

Number 10 says: "Value every person who takes time out of their day to stop by your blog." This is not a hard one for me. I may not be a timely, eloquent (or even coherent), well-toned blogger, but I'm a grateful one. As in my everyday life, in blogging, I forget to tell you all how much I love you and how much I value you. My excitement when I get an email saying that I have a comment is HUGE. And I’m more touched by your attention and support than I can express. I even go back and re-read comments. I like the little love pats that they resemble. Yes, I am pathetic, I admit it.

So here goes. I am going to try to blog more often, even if I don’t feel like I have much to say. I may be awhile getting started on the big blogging projects that I have in mind (family history and stories, my Oz obsession, etc.), but I’ll try to be content to do what I have time for and what I’m capable of right now. Being content is one of my bugaboos. It is something that I’ve worked hard at (often without discernable results, I admit) for much of my life. Momma and I have talked a lot in the past of how contentment doesn’t seem to be a family trait in our ancestors and, really, without much cause. Huge tragedies just aren’t in our past. Most everyone was financially ok, at the least. No one was widowed young with 12 hungry children. But they all seemed incapable of being content with their lot. Dissatisfaction seems to be our legacy. We tend to be pessimists who look at others with the sense that they have things easier, somehow. When I’m thinking clearly, I can see that and fight it. It’s just easier to fight it when things are going well, that’s all! So my late in the year resolution is to blog more, be grateful and not whine nearly as much.

So thanks, Ree, even if you never see this!

Edited to add that I won't be showing much improvement THIS weekend as I will be away. But I'll be thinking about it!