Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Quotable Quotes

That's Mr. Bartlett. He collected quotations and became very famous. I also collect quotations. I am not so famous. And some of mine are naughty. Almost none of his are. Probably mine are more fun, but less smart.

Sometimes they are ones that appeal to my sense of humor, to my sense of the ridiculous, the mean girl that lurks (just) below the surface. Other times they are things that I find profound or touching. Mostly, though, they are funny, because I'm not really as deep as I wish I was. VERY often, they are about food, because that is my obsession. Many of them are anonymous, but the ones that I can credit, I do.

This is my most favorite one of all time - destined to be painted onto our kitchen wall if we ever redo the kitchen:
"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body...but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO what a ride!' "

MizDucky on quoted this from Joy of Cooking:
ON LEFTOVERS: a parson is saying grace over the family dinner, pauses to look down at the main dish before him, and murmurs something to the effect of: "I believe I've blessed a considerable amount of this material before ... "
This speaks to my distain of leftovers. But I'm not sure how many leftovers parsons saw in the old days. I always heard that having Preacher to dinner or supper was an honor and that the ladies tried to outdo one another with the best fried chicken or the lightest dumplings.

Here's a little food and a little bit of the mean girl (that one who thinks that haughty-faced models taking a tumble on the runway is The. Funniest. Thing. Ever.):
"I dunno what 'Guy Food' is. There's yer big steaks and huge burgers, but that's not as much a reflection of maleness, as much as an inverse reflection of some womens' desire to eat light and achieve that oh-so-sexy Nichole Richie Bag-O-Anters look." Grub at

Cliff Huxtable (Bill Cosby) on rice cakes: "The air in my mouth tastes better than these." (Amen, Mr. Cosby)

"Many argue that breakfast is their favorite meal and of course it's "the most important meal of the day" (who came up with this slogan? I do fine on coffee and Crest)" Michael Ruhlman

This one seems to be about food, but it's really not:
"It was a fruit label that changed my life. One day I had a granny smith apple for lunch. When I went to wash and eat it, I peeled off the label. For whatever reason, I decided to read it. It said "South Africa", and I thought, "This apple has traveled further than I ever have in my entire life." And I got really depressed. Six months later, I quit my job and moved to Asia. Life's funny." nakji at

Some are political/social commentary:

"Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist." Anonymous,

"In the South, they don't care how close you get, as long as you don't get too big. In the North, they don't care how big you get, as long as you don't get too close." Anonymous, quoted by sandy smith at egullet

"Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out" - George Carlin

A couple of homegrown quotes:

Some villages have more than one idiot. The Child

"You'll get your reward in Heaven - it will be a bale of hay for being a jackass!" my great grandmother (Tirelli)

And this one just makes me giggle:

"I wouldn't piss in your mouth if your teeth were on fire." Anonymous

Got any good ones?


  1. If you don't have many wrinkles, then you haven't laughed enough.

  2. Oh, I like that one, Rachel. It reminds me of a card that I have on my refrigerator:

    "If you're not gonna snort, why even laugh?"

    I am a big snorter.

  3. The really funny thing is, now that I'm in Asia, I'm still buying those Granny Smith apples. But at least now my passport is more stamped up than than they are!

  4. I aspire to your Granny Smith's peregrinations, nakji!

  5. Allooo, Kim! Long time no write! I finally logged into eGullet after forever, and saw you left me a message about you quoting me quoting Joy of Cooking--yes, that's a great little story, innit? I think the parson was blessing the dinner prepared by his own wife--yeah, if he were dining at one of his parishoner's homes, the lady of the house would have knocked herself out making something a lot fancier than a casserole of leftovers. I must confess that my current favorite food-related quote is from Julia Child, that quote made famous by the movie Julie and Julia in which Mrs. Child boisterously compares a boiling-hot canneloni to a certain feature of male anatomy--it may be indelicate, but I just love that Julia was that kind of outspoken woman, as lusty about life as she was about food. Anyway--hello hello! :-)

  6. mizducky!!!! Welcome! I love that Julia quote, too. I remember hooting out loud when I read it in the book. I love that she was big, bawdy and passionate.

    I've missed you at eG - lots of folks that I remember don't seem to post anymore. I don't often myself. You should come over to cookskorner (see sidebar link) - a much smaller, intimate and low key place.